Last night I decided to actually complete on what I said in my previous post. After I had sorted my day and helped with family commitments, cooking dinner and other stuff, I decided to workout.
I had been thinking about it all day and decided that this has to be the first step in getting my mental health back on track.
Since I stopped exercising, and it has only been just over a week, my anxiety and depression has returned to levels that affect me greatly.
I was surprised about the number of push ups I was able to complete. It’s been a while so I didn’t think I could complete the initial number. As I completed more sets I started to feel the burn in my muscles and this felt good.
It gave my mind something to concentrate on. There was an element to this that helped ease some of the anxieties that I had been battling through out my day. I took my time and concentrated solely on completing each set.
After each set I took my rest time and concentrated on breathing thru my nose. I have been reading up on how breathing changes can affect your daily life.
The clarity and the burn from the exercises gave my mind something else to concentrate on. Maybe it was the oxygen increase from my breathing.
Exercising definitely changed my outlook
This definitely appeared to lift my mood. My mind seemed slightly clearer. I was able to listen and interact like a normal person with my children and wife when they returned home from scouts and cubs activities.
With this clarity, the ever present influence of my anxieties and depression appeared to lift slightly. I showed my eldest son how to fix a puncture on his bike and was thanked with a long hug.
This made me feel good. My relationship with my eldest son is slightly strained. I am aware that my actions and mental health issues have contributed to this but I cannot blame myself completely.
Teenage boys can be a challenge, all our friends with boys the same age are having a tough time. My mum and dad had a very tough time with me after my childhood sexual abuse. It must have been incredibly hard trying to live with me.
Trying to keep communication open with my eldest son is hard as he tends to speak mainly with his mum. I will try and soften my responses and mood around the house.
My youngest son was feeling tired after his adventures, wanted cuddles with his mum and didn’t want to go to bed. He is very clingy with his mum at the moment.
Sleep came easily after exercise
When I finally made it to my bed I felt tired. It was a good tired though. The burn from the earlier exercise, the sense of achievement in what I had done last night helped me relax.
It might not seem like much to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety, depression and complex ptsd symptoms, but it definitely made a difference to me.
I think I fell asleep about 11.30pm and I was awake around 5am this morning. I wasn’t bathed in sweat and did not feel any anxiety or fear as I woke up. This was unusual and a strange feeling to experience.
Getting back to sleep after I have woken up is one of the hardest parts of my day. Staying relaxed and not letting my mind wander to the past or what might happen is very hard.
Taking long slow deep breaths through my nose did a great job of relaxing me this morning and I managed to drift of back to sleep at some point.
Overall I feel like I have had a good morning so far. Writing this blog and seeing positives from yesterday. No panic or anxiety or depressive thoughts to change the mood of my day.
Only time will tell if the exercising, positive outlook on daily life, eating and generally looking after myself will help me on this journey.
I truly hope it does.