Category: Goal setting

I woke up this morning feeling very subdued. I had been dreading this day since it had been arranged last week. Today is the day that I ask for help with my mental health.

As I laid in bed, trying to get myself ready for what I was about to do I keep thinking about all the times I have struggled with my mental health. I know I need help but it is still a hard thing to do. Actually admitting that there is and has been an ongoing issue for the last few months is quite sobering.

My wife was cleaning an doing other things around the house while I was in bed. Eventually, as the morning progressed I knew I had to get up. I had been watching videos on youtube and my phone to try and distract myself but it wasnt working. and there affects on my mental health.

I got showered, had a shave and began the journey to the doctors. Luckily my wife had a few errands to run before my appointment so this helped distract me. I was nervous. My wife was coming to this appointment with me because I have nothing to hide. If I hide anything from my wife about how I feel this is never going to work. Time to put the big boy pants on kiddo.

Its time to ask for some help from a medical professional

As we got to the doctors surgery I started to feel very nervous. I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing. Why don’t I just try and hide these feelings and emotions. I knew I couldn’t. I cant hide how I feel from my wife. This has been going on for too long so this has to be done and done now.

I haven’t spoken to this doctor in person before and didn’t know what to expect. We had spoken on the phone last week when she prescribed me some more medication but otherwise she was only aware of me from my previous medical history and notes.

I sat down in the doctors room, my wife was across from me and the doctor, who I wont identify started asking me about my health. She knew my history of mental health issues, my treatments for anxiety and depression and the medication I had been on previously.

I need help with my mental health

As we started talking about how I am feeling I explained that I was struggling to deal with my everyday life. I told her that I had thought about ending it all a few times recently. Driving my car into a brick wall at speed, swerving off the road into a large tree. This thought was in my head as I returned from dropping my youngest son and his friends at scouts on Monday night.

My wife was upset by this but I had sort of told her this recently and she has agreed to help me however she can. The only reason that I haven’t taken my thoughts about ending things further is due to my wife and sons. Yes I don’t want to live like this everyday but I don’t want to destroy my wife and sons life by being selfish and ending everything. As we talked more about my feelings the doctor stated that it was a great thing that I have this strong a feeling about how this would affect my family’s life.

My doctors initial thoughts as we talked

My initial impression was that the doctor would tell me there was nothing wrong with me. I had experienced this many years ago when I spoke to an NHS psychiatrist after my cognitive behaviour therapy from a local mental health charity.

It was a pleasant surprise to hear that my doctor was fully supportive in getting me the help that I need. We talked about how I felt and my wife also described to the doctor how my mental health has been affecting my physical health and our relationship. I have lost weight, my thought process is not good. My default reaction at present is to catastrophise everything. My mind immediately defaults to the worst case scenario.

I explained to my doctor that I cannot escape the thoughts in my head. The dread, fear and guilt that I have in my mind is so overwhelming that I cant stop shaking. I do get moments or maybe 20-30 minutes of peace in my mind but then my thoughts revert to the catastrophising and I cant think straight. We discussed the medication that was described and if this was helping. Its not but my doctor reminded me and my wife that it will take time to take affect, possibly 2-3 weeks.

How I see myself and how this affects my mental health.

Further into the conversation with my doctor I was asked some hard questions regarding my outlook on life. Its hard to see a positive in my life at the moment. I am just surviving in my daily life.

I love my wife and my children dearly. They mean the world to me and I will continue to hold that thought. That’s all I have right now. I told the doctor that I feel like a failure. Life has not been easy recently. My mental health has been under immense strain for the last 6 months with financial issues and other elements of my life. In fact it has been under a lot of strain for most of my life

I was honest with my doctor and I told her that I don’t like who I am. I need help with my mental health. Everyday my mind wanders and reminds me of my past. I don’t like what I have done in the past, the lies, the hiding things from friends and family and this had all become too much. These types of thoughts and the memories of my abuse have robbed me of so much in my life. I told my doctor that I want to be happy and enjoy the rest of my life that I have before me. At that point I broke down in tears in the consultation room and my wife had to calm me down.

Getting the help I need and how it will work

The doctor explained that she will help me get the help that I need. We discussed my medication and there may be a need to increase the dosage. I have been prescribed mirtazapine. This medication for anxiety and depression should help with getting some sleep. I have been on this medication in the past and it is the best fit for me. We discussed how I had been described a maximum dose all those years ago. This made me feel like a zombie at that level. I showed no emotions.

This can be a side effect of too strong a dose. What it gives in one way it takes with the other. To much is just as bad as not enough. That’s what anti anxiety and depression medications do. We will need to work out the best level for me to be on. I am currently prescribed 15mg.

My doctor is going to get in touch with the mental health team and a psychologist who are linked to the doctors surgery and refer me for help. She explained that this may take a couple of weeks but she will begin the process.

My doctor told me that I have to eat, normally the doctor tells people to stop eating. I have lost a lot of weight and my appetite. I need to start looking after myself and have small snacks during my day. The odd biscuit here or there with a cup of tea should slowly help to regain my appetite.

The next steps in my journey to getting better

My doctor is going to give me a call next week to see if there is any improvement in my sleep from taking the 15mg of mirtazapine. She has advised me that if there is no improvement that I should up my dosage to 30mg. My doctor is concerned that if I am not sleeping the I am not able to relax and manage my mental health.

She explained that trying to stay positive and completing simple tasks during the day will help. Not a shopping list of tasks, just a couple of simple things. This will help with my mental health.

Exercise is also key to helping me maintain some positivity. I have been doing some but again this has slipped as I have become more closed off in my head.

As my wife and I left the doctors room we realised that we had been in there for over 40mins. A normal doctors appointment should be just 10mins or so. As the door closed behind us my wife gave me a big hug and told me that she loved me.

As we stood there for a moment we heard the doctor making a phone call, like she said she would to someone for referral. This made me feel better. My doctor will hepl me get some treatment for my mental health issues.

Hopefully I have started the journey to getting treatment for my enduring struggle with mental health issues caused by the childhood sexual abuse that I suffered.

This is a follow on from my previous post regarding positive thinking and its benefits for mental health. Being positive can be extremely hard for someone who, like myself has been stuck in a negative thought process for so long.

I made a decision last week and stated in my previous post that I will endeavour to actively use the power of positive thought to influence my daily activities. This change will be a mental fight that I will continue, probably without failure to the day I die.

How a children’s film affected my mental attitude

After writing the last post I felt good about myself. I had made the decision to use positive thoughts to assist me in changing my life around and seeing the world through a different light.

This greatly affected my attitude towards my family life and I agreed to settle down with my youngest son and wife and watch a film on Friday night.

This film, like so many other Disney children’s films is presented as a comedy regarding aspects of life. As usual there is always a dual purpose in the content. You have to expect that with Disney films.

The film is titled Inside Out 2. I don’t know if I can state the name of the film but I was really surprised to watch it. We have watched the original film many times and settled down with drinks and snacks to watch this new one.

As we started watching the film, which details how puberty changes what happens in your mind, one aspect of the new emotions that developed really stuck with me. This new emotion is anxiety.

Although it is primarily focused at young children, the screen play is well written and very informative and I believe will help countless children get some grasp on why they feel like they do and that this is normal.

This film is entertaining, engaging and fun for the target audience as it should be. There are bright colours, laughs and a lot of funny elements going on. My youngest son really enjoyed the film.

Hidden deeper messaging or am I just to aware of my metal health

As the main film character develops into a teenager the story shows the emotions of the character change. Part of the reason for also watching this film is to help my youngest son.

Recently he has been developing what can only be described as separation anxiety. I did mention this in a previous post but this is becoming slightly overwhelming. He is due to go on a school residential trip later this month and we hope there wont be any issues. He will be away for three nights with his friends so I hope that makes it easier. I really want him to enjoy the trip.

My youngest son doesn’t want to sleep alone, he is now stating that he is afraid of the dark, which I get. I was afraid of the dark. It held nightmare flashback images to what I experienced when I was a child. So now this is happening we have an issue at bed time.

Anxiety – how it can change your outlook and control your life

Anxiety as the main emotional change to the films teenage character. During the film it was represented as a furtive, irrational and controlling busybody. The depiction of anxiety being this way, manipulating thoughts and experiences as it did, had a quite profound affect on me.

We all watched the anxiety character and how it moved, the way it controlled the outcome of all the films characters thoughts and emotions. It was displayed as a controlling emotion that thought it knew what was right in the mind of the films main character.

Not only was Anxiety controlling the emotions but it developing into controlling the characters responses in different situations. When something disturbed the anxiety it made changes to relationships to gain a better response to its feelings and wants. This was done without thought or consideration for any other emotion or feelings. I know it doesn’t make sense right now but it will at some point.

Overall I went to bed thinking a lot about my years of battling with anxiety. Why have I let it get so bad. This is the power of anxiety and some of the other strong emotions I have become accustomed to dealing with every day. All part of an enduring struggle and how it has affected my life.

Hoping I could use positive thinking in my golf this weekend

I got up early on Saturday morning, it was dark and dreary, not to cold but not the best day to play golf. I struggled to clear some of the questions I had in my mind before falling asleep. Why has anxiety become so controlling. What have I done to myself.

It was still dark as I stood there waiting to play by myself. I had the first tee off time. I had decided to do this to get out in the fresh air and try and clear my mind. So far this was not working as I almost didn’t play. I had an urge to just walk away and feel sorry for myself.

But I had made a choice that no matter what, I was going to use positive thinking to change my life. So I tee’d off. My game of golf that I enjoyed so much has started. told myself that no matter what I was going to enjoy this time outside in the fresh air. It will be good for me.

How my day changed thanks to friends

It wasn’t going well and after 4 holes, two club members that I knew appeared on the 5th hole. They had walked off down the course to get playing as there was a big queue formed on the first tee. This was a relief to me when they asked if I wanted to join them. I was not playing very well and there company was appreciated.

My conversation levels were low initially, I was in a funny mood, feeling down and depressed so it took a while for me to fully engage in the conversations. As the round of golf went on I started relaxing an telling myself to enjoy this game I love. We ended up having quite a laugh by the end of the round of golf. I was thankful that they had been there to lighten my mood.

I returned home and after sorting out my golf equipment, I started working with my wife to winterfy the garden. It was a long afternoon which included a trip to the local dump. I was physically and emotionally tired that night so I went to be early.

How positive thoughts turned my weekend around – they do work

I had a lie in on Sunday morning. Haven’t done that for a long time as I am usually up between 5 and 6 am. I had told myself as I started to drift off to sleep that I had to be positive. I concentrated on slowing my breathing and trying to relax which helped me drift off to sleep.

A cat disturbed me around 6am so my sleep may have been broken by that but I did feel ok. I got up and ready for golf. I was going to be joining concessions. This is a roll up group of tee times were any members of the club can play together. Groups were picked and the day started.

I had been a little standoffish with some of the members initially but I told myself to relax and have fun. Everyone else was laughing and chatting and I was suddenly aware of my persona. I had missed several jokes due to my mind wandering, I looked rude and that hurt.

I took some deep breaths and told myself to smile. Smiling is easy, anyone can do it and I have for years to cover how I feel but I told myself to smile properly and have fun. Don’t put to much pressure on myself.

Learning to be nice to myself using positive thoughts

So my round of golf started, I didn’t play well and I didn’t play badly. I played the first 6 holes as I normally would but I found myself mentally slipping. There had been a few silly mistakes and I was punishing my actions with negative self talk. I was putting myself down, in front of other people after making silly mistakes.

I didn’t like this and knew I wasn’t being nice to myself. Why punish myself mentally for a slight mistake in a silly and supposedly fun game of golf. I wasn’t under any pressure apart from what I was putting on myself. I had to stop this.

As we stood on the 8th Tee I told myself that this is when my mental attitude changes. It didn’t help my golf but it did stop me from calling myself names and dragging myself down. Holes 9 and 10 were played ok.

A moment of clarity that helped reinforce my thoughts

As we walked over to the 11th tee, I thought how great it would be to hit a hole-in-one. How excited I would be and of course how much the bar bill would be.. It was a strange thought to have but it was very welcome. Where did that come from, Why have I thought about it now.

I cleared my mind and just thought about hitting the ball well and the outcome would be what it was. It was a great shot and we all knew it as we walked up the hill to the green.

I didn’t hit the hole-in-one that appeared in my mind. I had missed this hole-in-one by 3 inches. It was and still is the closest I have come to that holy grail moment in golf. What got me was the clarity of thought when I hit the shot that this will be good.

A vision of what could happen, a positive image to help me believe in myself

Somewhere deep inside I knew it would be a good shot and it was. I took this as a sign that positivity and positive thinking in all forms can have an affect on your day. The rest of the round didn’t go to well, the ground was wet and we were just playing for fun.

I did however play and awesome golf shot on the 15th Hole, same type of mental clarity as I hit my 2nd shot into the green. It was a great shot and nearly went in for an eagle. Something I have never scored before.

Last night as I laid in bed, tired and not overly sleepy I tried my slow breathing again and told myself to relax, I fell asleep at some point.

I know its only early days but I am trying to keep thighs positive mental attitude and all the positive encouragement going. I think there could really be something in this that will change my life.

Following on from my post from two days ago I have taken on the task of being positive and seeing how this affects my daily life. As I have only been doing this for 48 hours or so, I think I am starting to see a slight benefit.

Part of embracing the use of positive thinking is going to be changing how I talk to myself. How I perceive myself, what I tell myself in my head and out loud.

To stop the negative comments about myself and be proud. I have been looking at this as an issue for a while and need to change.

Negative thoughts and how they affect your brain

I have mentioned before in previous posts that I think I have become pre-programme to think in a negative fashion.

This has been going on for nearly 40 years and stems from the life changing childhood sexual abuse I suffered.

Ever since the abuse happened, I have struggled every day. I have had flashbacks, panic attacks, breakdowns due to these events. I constantly live in a state of hypervigilance (always on edge and never able to relax) which is very emotionally and physically tiring.

The main symptoms of behaving in this way is the negativity that builds and defines my thought process. Thus is due to the guilt I feel from the events in my past I can never see the best in myself.

I was diagnosed with complex ptsd but I will look at that further in another post.

Negative thoughts or self talk- why this affects your thought process and self being

I listed out the main thought types that I generally suffer from in my previous post but I will detail them again.

• Filtering – To filter out all of the good things that have happened in a situation and magnify the negative elements
• Catastrophizing – To automatically assume the worst possible outcome to a situation without fact that this will happen
• Magnification – To make a big deal out of a small problem
• Perfectionism – Keeping impossible standards and trying to be more perfect sets yourself up for failure.
• Overthinking – the main issue that controls your thought process

All of the negative thought types above are my default thought process. Even if we go out with the kids for the day and they cant get an ice cream, somehow that produces a negative thought.

Are they happy with me, do they blame me for not getting the ice cream. Has their day been spoilt. I am a bad parent..

I realise these thoughts may sound silly or stupid to someone else, but these are my default reactions to daily life. What’s the worst that will happen…

And so, on and on and on the cycle of negative thoughts proceeds and makes me question myself and my relationship with others around me. I mentioned how positivity affected my best game of golf. This is how I need to start leading my life. I have mentioned this so many times already in my short list of posts but it keeps coming back.

Not dwelling on the what ifs, what might have been’s and second guessing everything I do in my life.

Negative thinking to positive thinking – a time for change

One thing I have noticed since I started trying to be positive and keeping the negativity out of my thoughts is that I have slept better. I didn’t feel tired until about midnight last night but I actually slept quite well, I think..

My sleep ended between 5 & 6 am but I did not feel exhausted and anxious, just seemed like it was time to wake up. I managed to go back to sleep for a short while after listening to the rain outside.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not magically better from just a few positive thoughts but I can feel that slight difference. I think cutting down on my caffeine levels may also be helping.

Black coffee has been the mainstay of my life for the last thirty years. I know I dink to much of it, it doesn’t help but I have been using it for so long to keep myself awake. Tiredness and all this thinking about my life has been playing on my mind. I have struggled slightly whilst writing this but I am trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay,

I will be playing golf tomorrow and Sunday so I will be putting into practice as much of these new ways of thinking as I can. Unfortunately, I am highly aware that negative self talk (i.e, telling myself I cant do something, I am not good enough etc ) is and has greatly affected my outlook on life and my self being.

Positive thinking or self talk – how will things be different

Positive thinking has to be a benefit and help me with everyday life. It must be better for me and my family than the way I have been thinking for the last forty years. Maybe if I had been told that this could help sooner I may already be in a better place than I am now.

I will start with the main and easiest way I think I can help my positive thoughts and change away from negative thinking

Eating, sleeping and exercising

These must be the main and most important elements to being more positive in my life. I must continue to eat more, a more healthy diet. do more homebased fitness, i.e, squats and press ups (to begin with) and in doing so make myself tired so my body wants to sleep.

Exercise can also be a great benefit to reducing stress aiding sleep and elevating someone’s mood. I need this.

Check my self – be involved

When I find my thoughts moving off to a negative plain is must check against this. Take stock and look at the issue causing the negativity and try and turn it around to being positive. This will take time.

Laugh – find my sense of humour

I cannot remember the last time I had a really good belly laugh. I cant. It must have been so long ago that it has disappeared from my memory. My kids say I never smile or laugh. This makes me feel sad. I must change this. So I am going to give myself permission to smile, to laugh, to have fun and see the humour in everyday life instead of the negative.

Practice positive self talk

This is going to be the hardest element to this new way of looking at daily life. For so long my outlook has been negative but a switch to positive can massively help. No more ” I cant do this”, no more “that was a bad golf shot” no more “what did you do that for you idiot”

From today I will talk to myself in a more positive way, I wont put myself down in public while playing golf and I will check myself if I do. If I can do all these things over the next few days, I am sure they will start to form a new habit.

A habit is something that is formed by repeating the same process over and over again until it becomes second nature.

Here’s to braking some very old habits and making some exciting new ones.

After doing a lot of reading and looking for some help to get a better understanding and control of my mental health I have decided to take the idea of positive thinking and use this to try and help manage my daily life.

I spoke to a friend last night via text on whatsapp and realised that the way I am feeling resonates with him and potentially a lot of people feel the same way. My friend mentioned “trying to stay positive” as a way of coping with my feelings.

As I have said before in my posts, the main focus of this website and blog is to not only to help myself with my mental health issues but others.

Fundamentals of Positive thinking

Positive thinking can have many benefits and although it may sound easy to do it can be quite hard in reality. Positive thinking is a way of eventually changing the way our brain works. Negative thoughts and the effects they have on the brain pretty much always cause worry, stress and anguish. This is why I need to do this.

Positive thoughts can and will if practiced and used daily, change a persons outlook on life. I have yet to fully embrace this fact but it is something I will be taking on with full commitment.

Last night I got very down and upset with myself. I had a long chat with my wife regarding how I was feeling and she reminded me to think positively. I can change how my brain works, I will change how my brain works. My life will get better and I will feel better and happier for this.

As I went to bed last night I really tried to concentrate on keeping these basic positive thoughts in my head. I was not fully successful as I had a few negative thoughts creep in but I managed to stay relatively positive and calm.

It was a strange feeling this morning when I woke up. 6am was an unusual occurrence as I have been waking up for months between 4am and 5am. I did wake up with some anxious thoughts and feeling a bit down. If I had a nightmare last night then I can not remember the details.

Benefits of Positive Thinking

There are a lot of benefits associated to the power of positive thinking and how it can improve your physical health and mental health. I personally have seen a few improvements in my own mental health recently and need to keep this approach going to gain many more benefits.

Here is a brief table below of some of the main benefits of positive thinking:

• Helps fight depression
• Better health
• Reduces stress
• Improved and healthier relationships
• Improves self-esteem
• Increased life span
• Lower levels of distress and pain
• Better psychological and physical well-being

There are many more benefits than listed above but overall the benefits of positive thinking can help with many more elements of a persons daily life.

Negative thinking and how it affects mental health

A negative thought process is something until recently I never realised I had. I have just always felt like this for as long as I can remember. This mindset has been there for pretty much all my adult life in one way or another and needs to change.

The negative thoughts are part of the problem with complex ptsd. I was diagnosed and treated for complex ptsd by my mental health counsellor. This happened as a result of the childhood sexual abuse that I was a victim of at the age of 13.

Looking back on my life I can identify with all of the symptoms below and how my mind has, and is still processing my thoughts. This is very tiring, both physically and emotionally and has been affecting my life every day. It also affects my family members on a daily basis and needs to stop.

Here is a list of the main thought types that I experience everyday. As you will see these can become very overwhelming and controlling. I’m starting to wish I had found this out years ago but no one mentioned it.

• Filtering – To filter out all of the good things that have happened in a situation and magnify the negative elements
• Catastrophizing – To automatically assume the worst possible outcome to a situation without fact that this will happen
• Magnification – To make a big deal out of a small problem
• Perfectionism – Keeping impossible standards and trying to be more perfect sets yourself up for failure.
• Overthinking – the main issue that controls your thought process

How this makes me feel

The list of symptoms above are experienced every day by myself at some point. Its hard to explain to someone why this happens. The brain is a very powerful tool and when it is programmed to act a certain way it becomes increasingly harder to change that.

I have struggled to understand why positive thinking is so important until now. Even though I went through 12 weeks of very intensive mental health counselling to help with my complex ptsd, this subject of positive thinking was never mentioned.

Over the course of my doctors appointments all those years ago, discussions with counsellors and other professionals, they never mentioned anything about positive thinking and how it could help me.

My doctors were happy to help with medication and assessments, even the doctor I spoke to recently to get more medication never mentioned anything about positive thinking.

What to do now..

Well I don’t know what to say apart from the obvious. I am going to have to try as hard as I can to develop a way to manage my negative thoughts. I need to feel like I am alive and not just existing. That thought has just hit me while I am sat here typing.

Wow, what have I been doing all these years? Why have I just realised how powerful my conversation with my wife was last night.

I know I have mentioned positive thinking before, it helped me a few weeks ago to play the best round of golf so far in my life. Why do I keep doing these kind of things. I lose my train of thought. Why do I forget things easily.

I think its because of all these negative thought processes going on in my brain that this happens. My Wife says I am always telling myself I am not good at anything. I always feel worthless.

I should have done this and didn’t, I made mistakes that caused issues for others. It seems like all of these types of thoughts have become my base level of emotions and that must stop.

I will be doing some press ups later today, I need to and I must concentrate fully and be positive about the effects they will have on my health and hopefully my sleep.

Last night I decided to actually complete on what I said in my previous post. After I had sorted my day and helped with family commitments, cooking dinner and other stuff, I decided to workout.

I had been thinking about it all day and decided that this has to be the first step in getting my mental health back on track.

Since I stopped exercising, and it has only been just over a week, my anxiety and depression has returned to levels that affect me greatly.

I was surprised about the number of push ups I was able to complete. It’s been a while so I didn’t think I could complete the initial number. As I completed more sets I started to feel the burn in my muscles and this felt good.

It gave my mind something to concentrate on. There was an element to this that helped ease some of the anxieties that I had been battling through out my day. I took my time and concentrated solely on completing each set.

After each set I took my rest time and concentrated on breathing thru my nose. I have been reading up on how breathing changes can affect your daily life.

The clarity and the burn from the exercises gave my mind something else to concentrate on. Maybe it was the oxygen increase from my breathing.

Exercising definitely changed my outlook

This definitely appeared to lift my mood. My mind seemed slightly clearer. I was able to listen and interact like a normal person with my children and wife when they returned home from scouts and cubs activities.

With this clarity, the ever present influence of my anxieties and depression appeared to lift slightly. I showed my eldest son how to fix a puncture on his bike and was thanked with a long hug.

This made me feel good. My relationship with my eldest son is slightly strained. I am aware that my actions and mental health issues have contributed to this but I cannot blame myself completely.

Teenage boys can be a challenge, all our friends with boys the same age are having a tough time. My mum and dad had a very tough time with me after my childhood sexual abuse. It must have been incredibly hard trying to live with me.

Trying to keep communication open with my eldest son is hard as he tends to speak mainly with his mum. I will try and soften my responses and mood around the house.

My youngest son was feeling tired after his adventures, wanted cuddles with his mum and didn’t want to go to bed. He is very clingy with his mum at the moment.

Sleep came easily after exercise

When I finally made it to my bed I felt tired. It was a good tired though. The burn from the earlier exercise, the sense of achievement in what I had done last night helped me relax.

It might not seem like much to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety, depression and complex ptsd symptoms, but it definitely made a difference to me.

I think I fell asleep about 11.30pm and I was awake around 5am this morning. I wasn’t bathed in sweat and did not feel any anxiety or fear as I woke up. This was unusual and a strange feeling to experience.

Getting back to sleep after I have woken up is one of the hardest parts of my day. Staying relaxed and not letting my mind wander to the past or what might happen is very hard.

Taking long slow deep breaths through my nose did a great job of relaxing me this morning and I managed to drift of back to sleep at some point.

Overall I feel like I have had a good morning so far. Writing this blog and seeing positives from yesterday. No panic or anxiety or depressive thoughts to change the mood of my day.

Only time will tell if the exercising, positive outlook on daily life, eating and generally looking after myself will help me on this journey.

I truly hope it does.