Category: Background

Created 26/09/2024

I didn’t sleep very well last night, I don’t remember there being any nightmares. I didn’t wake up bathed in sweat like I usually do from such events so that was a good thing.

I struggled to fall asleep last night and I believe this was due to my overthinking about aspects of my life and how this affects others around me. Yesterday was a hard day for me, work had started ok and everything seemed like a pretty normal day.

Slowly I started to notice my mind was wandering, I was having trouble focusing on my work. What was going on.. My mind plays small tricks on me normally through the day and the effects can be quite distracting as these are always flashback to my childhood sexual abuse and other elements that have happened since.

Reliving these events, although briefly have a definite affect on my body, mentally and physically. If I can control my thoughts for a few minutes using the techniques I learned in my counselling I start to relax and clear these emotions. Sometimes I cannot keep these thoughts from my mind when they relate to me.

I have treated a lot of people badly in my past. I have been a complete asshole to people who care for me.

When my mindset gets into a particularly negative state I start to question my relationships with family and friends. I know my family love me but do they actually like me or are they just putting up with me in the hope that one day I will find myself, ease my mind to a different place and become a nicer and happier person to be around.

This is part of the problem with overthinking and reflection on the horrible things that have happened to me and how I have treated others.

I couldn’t relax last night and drift of to sleep, I tried but ended up watching videos on Youtube and trying to stop overthinking about what my friends and family really think of me. I was tired, emotionally and physically drained due to lack of sleep and fighting my ptsd, anxiety and depression symptoms all day long.

Looking back on my nights sleep I think I got about 4 – 5 hours if I was lucky, I switched Youtube off about 11pm, laid there trying to calm myself and occupy my brain with breathing exercises but I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I am unsure of what time I fell asleep but I remember checking my phone at 4.45am, this as the 3rd time I was awake.

It would be great to sleep through one whole night, like 8 – 9 hours without the need for sleeping tablets or other drugs to get me to calm down. To be honest, if I managed to get 6 – 7 hours sleep that would make a massive difference to my physical and mental health.

Hopefully I will get to that stage eventually, that’s why I have started this blog. It is to assist me in finding a way to help myself and show other people who maybe interested that it can be done, or at least they are not alone if they feel the same way.

Created 01/07/2024

Well its been a strange couple of weeks.

So much going on with work and family life that I’ve not had a chance to think too much about this.

Where do I start

What can I say..

My anxieties have been running wild this week, stress doesn’t help and is a major factor in how my week went.

Works been ok. Family life has been ok but I’ve been worrying about my children. I always do..

My youngest was out for the day with his mother and although I knew he would be ok I couldn’t relax.

Its always the same, my brain defaults to a worst case scenario..

What if ( insert irrational thought / fear here )

My eldest was on an overnight hike in the forest with other friends, all 6 of them had mobile phones.

Again, what if (insert irrational thought / fear here )

This is how I live my life,

I act and look like I am enjoying my day but in reality my brain is dealing with these types of thoughts continuously..

I have lost weight due to the stresses of living with some really irrational thoughts

I have setup this blog/website to try and help others who have ongoing issues with mental health problems and symptoms and the effects of childhood abuse and trauma.

Most of the information available today is either medical or treatment based and not based on daily management of these symptoms. Not everyone has the ability or desire to open up and seek medical advice. Mental health issues and treatments have a stigma attached. Especially childhood trauma and the long lasting effects it has on the victims.

I recently had a recurrence of my Complex PTSD symptoms and could not find any information to help with daily issues.

Many people who suffer with anxiety and or depression tend to hide the true affects this has on their lives.

A lack of sleep, nightmares, loss of appetite, unusual stress, not being able to relax, drinking heavily, substance abuse and other unhealthy traits could all point towards an issue with mental health.

It took me years to open up and tell my family and friends that I was not ok.

I was struggling with life. I was stressed and unwell. I couldn’t function properly at work. Money was always an issue and I have lost several jobs due to my mental health issues.

Mental heath sufferers tend to be closed to the idea of looking for help. The human brain becomes conditioned to the ” I will be alright” outlook and doesn’t see the bigger picture.

If you have or feel like you have mental health issues then I would encourage you to seek medical assistance in the first instance. A medical practitioner will do a quick test and help you start the journey to managing the issues.

This may include medications to assist with the effects and symptoms of mental heath. These work quite quickly, usually within 2 -3 weeks you will notice a difference and there are many types of medications that can be prescribed. Some are for mild symptoms and others are dedicated to the treatment of more severe effects of mental health issues.

Counselling is a definite benefit with mental health issues, this was an incredible help to me. I was offered CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as a way of helping with my issues from childhood abuse and trauma.

Anyway, I hope my initial ramblings and opening up on how I feel will resonate with some people who read this website. If a handful of readers gain a brighter perspective knowing that other people are out there dealing with mental health issues then I have helped.

And by doing so, this will help me gain a better understanding and perspective on daily life and managing my condition.

Thanks