Following on from my post from two days ago I have taken on the task of being positive and seeing how this affects my daily life. As I have only been doing this for 48 hours or so, I think I am starting to see a slight benefit.
Part of embracing the use of positive thinking is going to be changing how I talk to myself. How I perceive myself, what I tell myself in my head and out loud.
To stop the negative comments about myself and be proud. I have been looking at this as an issue for a while and need to change.
Negative thoughts and how they affect your brain
I have mentioned before in previous posts that I think I have become pre-programme to think in a negative fashion.
This has been going on for nearly 40 years and stems from the life changing childhood sexual abuse I suffered.
Ever since the abuse happened, I have struggled every day. I have had flashbacks, panic attacks, breakdowns due to these events. I constantly live in a state of hypervigilance (always on edge and never able to relax) which is very emotionally and physically tiring.
The main symptoms of behaving in this way is the negativity that builds and defines my thought process. Thus is due to the guilt I feel from the events in my past I can never see the best in myself.
I was diagnosed with complex ptsd but I will look at that further in another post.
Negative thoughts or self talk- why this affects your thought process and self being
I listed out the main thought types that I generally suffer from in my previous post but I will detail them again.
- Filtering – To filter out all of the good things that have happened in a situation and magnify the negative elements
- Catastrophizing – To automatically assume the worst possible outcome to a situation without fact that this will happen
- Magnification – To make a big deal out of a small problem
- Perfectionism – Keeping impossible standards and trying to be more perfect sets yourself up for failure.
- Overthinking – the main issue that controls your thought process
All of the negative thought types above are my default thought process. Even if we go out with the kids for the day and they cant get an ice cream, somehow that produces a negative thought.
Are they happy with me, do they blame me for not getting the ice cream. Has their day been spoilt. I am a bad parent..
I realise these thoughts may sound silly or stupid to someone else, but these are my default reactions to daily life. What’s the worst that will happen…
And so, on and on and on the cycle of negative thoughts proceeds and makes me question myself and my relationship with others around me. I mentioned how positivity affected my best game of golf. This is how I need to start leading my life. I have mentioned this so many times already in my short list of posts but it keeps coming back.
Not dwelling on the what ifs, what might have been’s and second guessing everything I do in my life.
Negative thinking to positive thinking – a time for change
One thing I have noticed since I started trying to be positive and keeping the negativity out of my thoughts is that I have slept better. I didn’t feel tired until about midnight last night but I actually slept quite well, I think..
My sleep ended between 5 & 6 am but I did not feel exhausted and anxious, just seemed like it was time to wake up. I managed to go back to sleep for a short while after listening to the rain outside.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not magically better from just a few positive thoughts but I can feel that slight difference. I think cutting down on my caffeine levels may also be helping.
Black coffee has been the mainstay of my life for the last thirty years. I know I dink to much of it, it doesn’t help but I have been using it for so long to keep myself awake. Tiredness and all this thinking about my life has been playing on my mind. I have struggled slightly whilst writing this but I am trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay,
I will be playing golf tomorrow and Sunday so I will be putting into practice as much of these new ways of thinking as I can. Unfortunately, I am highly aware that negative self talk (i.e, telling myself I cant do something, I am not good enough etc ) is and has greatly affected my outlook on life and my self being.
Positive thinking or self talk – how will things be different
Positive thinking has to be a benefit and help me with everyday life. It must be better for me and my family than the way I have been thinking for the last forty years. Maybe if I had been told that this could help sooner I may already be in a better place than I am now.
I will start with the main and easiest way I think I can help my positive thoughts and change away from negative thinking
Eating, sleeping and exercising
These must be the main and most important elements to being more positive in my life. I must continue to eat more, a more healthy diet. do more homebased fitness, i.e, squats and press ups (to begin with) and in doing so make myself tired so my body wants to sleep.
Exercise can also be a great benefit to reducing stress aiding sleep and elevating someone’s mood. I need this.
Check my self – be involved
When I find my thoughts moving off to a negative plain is must check against this. Take stock and look at the issue causing the negativity and try and turn it around to being positive. This will take time.
Laugh – find my sense of humour
I cannot remember the last time I had a really good belly laugh. I cant. It must have been so long ago that it has disappeared from my memory. My kids say I never smile or laugh. This makes me feel sad. I must change this. So I am going to give myself permission to smile, to laugh, to have fun and see the humour in everyday life instead of the negative.
Practice positive self talk
This is going to be the hardest element to this new way of looking at daily life. For so long my outlook has been negative but a switch to positive can massively help. No more ” I cant do this”, no more “that was a bad golf shot” no more “what did you do that for you idiot”
From today I will talk to myself in a more positive way, I wont put myself down in public while playing golf and I will check myself if I do. If I can do all these things over the next few days, I am sure they will start to form a new habit.
A habit is something that is formed by repeating the same process over and over again until it becomes second nature.
Here’s to braking some very old habits and making some exciting new ones.