Created on 12/08/2024
My thoughts have been all over the place the last few days, trying to make sense of how I feel and how I can get my life back on some kind of positive path.
I have eaten more in the last two days than I have for a while, its strange and I know I will start to fell better if I keep this going but I’m finding it hard. My brain keeps making excuses for me to not eat, i.e, you don’t need to do that right now, you can do it when u feel hungry.. problem is, at the moment I don’t feel hungry
When my anxieties and depression take hold I am starting to realise that I mentally shut down. Things that seem normal everyday tasks are placed to the back of my mind and all I seem to do is worry and stress about things out of my control, rather than concentrating on simple things that I can control
Making breakfast and eating it seems to be a task I cant complete, sometimes, even knowing I’m physically shattered and mentally tired I just cant seem to get the motivation to do so…
After that last paragraph, I went and made myself some breakfast.. 3 boiled eggs and 2 pieces of toast and a fresh black coffee.. And do you know what the strangest things I’ve just noticed are? I was anxious making my breakfast, I didn’t know if I would eat it. But, I took my time eating it, didn’t mind if the last piece of toast was cold and the egg wasn’t soft, I actually enjoyed my breakfast.
So why is that different from how I feel everyday, I don’t know but I am already feeling a bit more positive and brighter about this day. That’s a great thing for me. Normally I don’t feel bright and struggle to be positive. I usually dread most days but not right now.
There’s ever chance that might change but I’m gonna try and not let my mood change now.
I need to start looking after myself or the sake of my wife and kids. It doesn’t matter how I feel, I need to be there for them. I love them dearly and need to make a drastic change..